Hello Everyone,

 
Here is a bit of humour to brighten this day. I am going to share what Fred sent me last week - this little funny “Dog vs Cat Diaries” …..

 
DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

CAT DIARY

 Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of however, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards!
 There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event, however, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
 Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously deranged!

And then for my reading pleasure, Alfredo became inspired and, as a result, he e-mailed me his version of Keisha’s daily diary, based on a day in the life of our Little Miss Bum Bum - a routine that has particularly materialized while “Chez Alfredo”….I got a really good chuckle out of it because the account is sooooo accurate…..  So as I promised you MC,  I am posting it here….

2:00 a.m. - Wake up and make Fred take me outside to sniff the ground and do a token pee.
2:08 a.m. - Give Fred a hard time when he tries to dry off my paws before I move further into the house.
5:00 a.m. - Make noise, just for fun.
6:30 a.m. - Give Fred a hard time when he asks me if I have to go out and “do my thing.”
6:40 a.m. - Jump on the bed and rub myself on it. Look like I don’t know what’s going on when Fred tries to make the bed and tells me to get off.
6:42 a.m. - Enter my house (her cage) for the day and wait for Fred to give me my bickie - Idiot! I wanted the red bickie!
6:40 a.m. to 3:45 p.m. - Sleep and relax.
3:45 p.m. - Start planning the crap I’m going to pull on Fred.
5:45 p.m. - As I exit my home, ram into Fred and lick his hands, arms and … if he bends down … lick his face!
5:50 p.m. - Go outside, do a pee right in front of him, then sniff the ground. Sniff the ground some more, move over 5 feet and sniff that ground, walk around a bit, sniff some more, move around in a circle, scratch at the ground, take a dump, walk 1 foot to the left, rip up Fred’s grass in a vain attempt to cover my poop. Make a run at Fred.
5:55 p.m. - Jump on the bed and rub myself on it, messing it up.
6:00 p.m. - Gorge on my food and hump Fred’s leg to assert my dominance over him.
6:15 p.m. - Sit attentively beside Fred as he and Mom (Tina) prepare dinner. Get angry at him for only giving me little bits of stuff.
6:20 p.m. - Hump Fred’s leg to assert my dominance over him (he’s dense and needs re-enforcement).
6:45 / 7:00 p.m. - Walk around the dinner table and hope Fred will give me some of his meal.
7:20 p.m. - Jump onto Fred’s lap at the dinner table and make a stab at his empty dinner plate. Give Mom that big brown eye cutie look so that she gives me some food. Let out a fart on his lap.
7:30 p.m. - Hump Fred’s leg as he washes the dishes.
7:50 p.m. - Pick out a toy for tonight, grab it by the neck and whip it around. Make a run for Fred.
7:51 p.m. - Play tug-of-war with the toy with Fred. If he doesn’t want to play, drop the toy on his reading material. If he’s lying down, drop it on his face. If he’s sitting up, jump on his lap and rub it against his face. If he’s not responding, remind him that he’s subservient to me by barking at him.
8:12 p.m. - Insist Fred take me outside - there’s more sniffing that needs to be done. Do a token pee (just a little though, don’t want Fred to think I had to go out for anything other than sniffing).
9:30 p.m. - Jump on the bed and rub myself on it.
10:00 p.m. - Make Fred take me outside, because this time I really do have to go.
10:08 p.m. - Rub myself on the bed.
10:20 p.m. - Try to nest around Fred’s crotch area. If that doesn’t work, sit on top of the covers so that Fred is given a hard time pulling them over him fully.
10:30 p.m. - Begrudgingly move underneath the covers and walk around a bit, trying to lie close to Fred so that I can bug him as he tries to sleep.
10:32 p.m. - Obey Mom when she tells me to move over to her side (You’ve won this round Fred, but IT’S NOT OVER!).

Anyway, I hope that this update finds you all well.

More to follow soon!

Love Tina  :)  ox

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 29th, 2008 at 6:44 am and is filed under Friends. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.